Being fathered, and fathering others

My dad was my first experience of fatherhood. From infancy to my teenage years, he was the strong man and provider – dependable, succinct, and sacrificial. He was hardworking, and everything he earned was spent on raising our family – I never saw him buy anything for himself.

I was a beneficiary of his excellent culinary skills, too. His home-cooked Cantonese cuisine became our staple.

In my dad, I saw, and learned, single-minded devotion to family.

Conversion experience

When I turned 20, I was serving my National Service while searching for deeper meaning in my life. One Sunday, I was at Mass when I prayed, “O God, if you are real, show me how real you are, and I will follow you with everything I’ve got.”

Shortly after, a powerful testimony by a retreatant led me to attend the Youth in the Spirit Seminar, and it was there I experienced a life-changing encounter with the Lord.

Having felt the unconditional love of God the perfect Father, and sparked by new life in the Spirit, my Christian life became no longer a theory, but an exciting journey.

After that encounter, I poured my energy into growing myself as a disciple, and helping others grow through youth ministry, because I wanted them to experience the life-changing love of the Father just like I did.

Becoming a dad

I was thrown into the deep end when I became a relatively young father to my son at 28, and then to my daughter three years later.

When my son was born, doctors found fluid in his lungs. His first night was spent in a neonatal intensive care unit, hooked up to various tubes, sleeping in a large, clear plastic box, away from my wife and me.

The pain of separation so early in our relationship showed me God’s pain when we separate ourselves from Him, and yet, His love and longing for us never changes.

Although God the Father loves me unconditionally, I know He allows trials and crosses to enter my life because He loves me and wants the best for me (Hebrews 12:4-12). Despite these disciplining sessions, He has never failed to affirm His love for me.

In disciplining my children, I make it a point to tell them that I love them, and although it pains me to discipline them, it is necessary because I want the best for them. I often hug them too, as a physical expression of my love for them.

Over time, I grew as a person and as a man. I discovered that fatherhood is where sacrificial love went from mere head knowledge to actual, daily practice.

Spiritual father

As the struggles of life overwhelmed me, spiritual fatherhood stepped in to assist.

Over the last 13 years, I have had two spiritual directors – the first a Jesuit, and the second from the Opus Dei institution. I also had a lay spiritual mentor.

I met my first spiritual director after the birth of my daughter. At the time, my marriage was under heavy strain, and I was feeling the pressure of fatherhood and full-time legal practice.

During one of our sessions, he asked me, compassionately, “Dom, how far would you go for Jesus?”

I burst into tears as I remembered my prayer as a 20-year-old, “I will follow you with everything I’ve got”. At that point, I recommitted myself to Christ, and found the grace to push on with renewed vigour to bear my crosses patiently and grow in love.

My spiritual fathers helped by opening my eyes to the will of God, His providence, and provision through every season of my life.

Through their spiritual direction, constant prayers and encouragement, they affirmed and strengthened me in my divine sonship as well as my vocation as husband and father. From them, I learned that I can, and must, integrate faith into my daily living and be Christ at home, at my workplace, and in society.

This loving accompaniment of my spiritual fathers inspired me to pay it forward by journeying with others as a spiritual mentor and buddy, and to encourage other maturing Catholics to do likewise.

Doubly blessed

Dominic (L) with his father, Derrick, on Phillip Island, Melbourne in 2018.

Last year, my father discovered he had cancer. We prayed for him as a family, and for reasons known only to our heavenly Father, he accepted baptism. Shortly after, his cancer went into remission.

For me, there is no greater joy than knowing my earthly dad has found his heavenly Dad – the Holy One who loves him, loves me, and loves my children, perfectly and unconditionally.

Fathering others – both in the earthly and spiritual sense – is a beautiful vocation given to fathers by our heavenly Father.

This month, we celebrate, acclaim, and honour all our fathers for their love, sacrifice, and example. I wish all of you a blessed Father’s Day.